


A Dare of Hope and Trust

by ClockworkIsWriting



Category: Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe - Date Me Bryson Keller, Date me Bryson Keller (Kevin van Whye), M/M, POV Simon Spier, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28525230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkIsWriting/pseuds/ClockworkIsWriting
Summary: “Date Me, Simon Spier” - from Simon’s Point of View—Simon Spier is not ready yet for anyone to find out he’s gay, not even his own friends. But when he’s dared to date the first person to ask him out, Simon sees the opportunity to hide for longer.Cute Bram Greenfeld and his unexpected confession are making things tough though.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kendra189](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kendra189/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Date Me, Simon Spier](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27841558) by [ClockworkIsWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkIsWriting/pseuds/ClockworkIsWriting). 



> Suggested by the kind and talented Kendra189, and I really liked this idea, so I thought "Hey, why not?".
> 
> This fanfiction is based on "Date Me, Simon Spier", but it's not necessary to read it to understand this!
> 
> As always, I'm not a native speaker, so I apologize for mistakes!

Parties aren’t really my thing.

I like the ones where you meet up with family or friends to play Monopoly and drink soda and have an innocent, but good, time.

Garrett’s _Back To School_ party is not one of those parties.

I’m sitting in his living room, with Leah by my side, and watch as classmates and complete strangers get drunk, make out or disappear into other rooms to hook up. Someone drops their cup, and whatever they were drinking spills onto the light parquet floor, staining it red.

I’m really glad I don’t have to clean this mess. And I really feel bad for Garrett. Especially since I can’t see him anywhere, and I’m sure he’s quite drunk, too. I can’t imagine cleaning an entire house with a hangover to be fun.

When we arrived, and Garrett asked me what I wanted to drink, he offered me Kool-Aid with Vodka. I forced him to add as little Vodka as possible, so now it only tastes like Tropical Punch that’s burning burn my throat every time I take a sip.

It’s not pleasant. So I drink as little as possible.

Leah grabs my arm and makes me stand up to go to the kitchen. I don’t mind. I hope the kitchen won’t be as crowded as the living room.

It isn’t. The only ones there are some drama kids, Nick, as well as Morgan and Anna from my lunch table. I probably would have turned down the invitation if none of the drama nerds were invited. I’m not exactly close to jocks. Nick, Garrett, and Bram are the only athletes I’m talking to at school.

I sit down on the kitchen counter and grab some Oreos when Bram enters the room. He’s very quiet, and if he were literally anyone else I’m sure I would have missed him, but there is something about him that stands out. Maybe it’s his soft smile, or his expressive eyes, or his soccer calves, but he grabs my attention every time I see him.

He’s cute. And most likely straight.

Bram and I aren’t friends. We’re friendly, I’d say, though we’re barely talking. I sometimes try to start a conversation, but all he does is smile and nod, then blush and quickly turn away. I don’t know if that’s his way of telling me _‘go away, Simon. You’re annoying’_. I’d love to know what he is thinking about. I have this theory that he’s really funny inside his head, but his thoughts are a complete mystery to me.

“If Martin isn’t going to shut up anytime soon, can I please use your drink to make him shut up?” Leah asks me, and I laugh. “Sure,” I answer, and she rolls her eyes as Martin continues to talk about the play and fun facts he, for some reason, knows.

“You guys should totally date,” Morgan says all of a sudden. I cringe, and Anna glares at her.

“No,” I answer, “I love her, but we’re just friends.” Plus I’m super gay, but it’s not like I’m planning to come out tonight. Or anytime soon for that matter.

“Do you like someone, though?” Martin butts in, and I shake my head _‘no’_. There are some guys I think are quite cute – like Bram or Cal Price – and I wouldn’t mind them asking me out, but ‘like’ is a very strong word.

“You’ve never had a girlfriend before, have you?” Anna asks. I decide to play along. Maybe this sudden interrogation will end sooner that way.

“Well, if you don’t count relationships from middle school that only last a week or two, then no, I’ve never had” I smile at her, but my stomach feels like a hurricane. I’d really like a boyfriend. I’d like to know what it’s like to be in a real relationship, with someone I’m actually into, but the thought of people finding it out is making me queasy.

“This is just stupid,” Nick says next to me, stealing one of my Oreos, “you could date anyone you want. So why don’t you?” Oh god, please. Not Nick, too. I hoped he would ignore this conversation, but now he joined in, too. I didn’t know Nick was interested in my love life, but he definitely is interested right now.

“I just…don’t know who? As I said, I don’t really have a crush right now. And I don’t even know my type.”

I think Bram and Cal look cute, but they look and behave completely different – and I’m not only talking about the skin color and grades that differentiate them – so I honestly have no idea if I even have a type. All I know is that Nick definitely isn’t.

“You could find it out, though,” Taylor grins at me, and we all turn to look at her. I raise a brow in confusion. “How?” I ask. I have a bad feeling about this. Especially if it’s Taylor freaking Metternich who has an idea involving _me_.

“How about a dare? Every week, you’ve got to date the first person to ask you out!” she laughs, clearly loving her brainwave. Everyone seems to like it.

“You should do it, Spier! I bet ladies dig you!” Martin grins, slapping my arm.

I think about it for a few moments. This would be a great opportunity to hide for a while longer. I just date some girls, nothing serious, and people won’t suspect a thing. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

Or maybe, even better, people won’t even ask me. I like myself, but I wouldn’t call myself popular enough to be asked out every week for God-knows-how-long.

“Well, I guess I could do it,” I say. I feel pretty confident in my decision. Leah looks at me, slightly confused.

“Are you excited about this?” she asks, and I shrug. “I’m confident no one will ask me anyway.”

“Rules. We need rules,” Morgan says.

“Bram, dude, you’ve got an idea?” Nick suddenly turns to Bram, who hasn’t said a word during the entire conversation. He blushes. It’s cute.

“Uh…well…,” he stammers, “the dare could last for three months. Maybe four”.

Everyone except me nods in agreement. “Four months it is,” Nick says, “five days a week”.

I really doubt people will ask me out every week for four freaking months. But it’s just a game, so I play along.

“What about punishment?” Morgan asks, and I glare at her. This was supposed to be a fun little game and now she thinks about punishing me even further?

It’s silent for a few seconds because everyone thinks about the perfect way to make me suffer when Martin says: “He has to talk to Ms. Albright and tell her to switch roles with me!”

I can feel the color leave my face. Everyone cheers, except for Bram and me. We want to perform _Oliver!_ this year. I don’t know which role I will be, but if I get to be the main, switching roles with _Martin Addison_ will hurt me right in my dignity.

“And it starts next week!” Anna says. That’s the first week of our junior year.

“Date me, Simon Spier!” she yells, and I suppress the urge to scream. I’m gay. I’m gay. Gay, gay, gay. “O-okay,” I smile, and hope that it looks good enough, “a promise is a promise.”

I had this feeling that Anna was interested in me and being the first one to ask me out this enthusiastically kind of confirmed it for me. Sorry Anna, but you’re barking up the wrong tree.

I lock eyes with Bram, before quickly looking away.

I wonder if this dare will really last this long.


	2. Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, not yet. Why?” I ask. He swallows and takes a deep breath. I patiently wait for him to continue.  
> Then he says four words I’ve heard every week for the past three months, but this time it completely catches me off-guard.

_**3 months later** _

**Monday**

I will admit that I was proved wrong. I would have never guessed that there would be so many girls that wanted to join the dare. It blew up, and suddenly, the whole school knew about it. I was asked out by girls I’ve never talked to; some I’ve never seen before.

Only two weeks are left, and I’m honestly super happy when this is over. Things will return to normal, and I won’t be forced to hang out with other people’s friends, most of which I have nothing in common.

I can’t wait for the awkwardness to be over.

My family knows about the dare, and my dad constantly asks if I _found ‘the right one yet’_. I should have seen this coming. I wonder if they started to question things if a guy asked me out. Which, during this whole time, never had happened once.

I overslept, so I rush down the stairs to quickly grab a breakfast burrito Nora made. The scrambled eggs inside of it are cold, which only reminds me how much better she is at waking up early on Mondays.

“Overslept again, Si?” Mom asks, taking a tip of her usual morning coffee.

“Don’t blame me. Blame Mondays,” I say, and Dad snorts. “Don’t worry, kiddo,” he says, “we all love to hate Mondays.”

My whole family hates Mondays, and Alice had always been the most motivated and energetic before she left for college. Now, the Spier household resembles a retirement home. Everyone’s slow, grumpy and shiftless.

I put on my shoes, grab my bag and am about to leave when Nora runs down the stairs.

“Don’t leave without me!” she says, running past me to my car. I roll my eyes, say a quick bye to my parents before closing the door. “You’re always like this on Mondays,” I say, opening the driver’s door. “Well, because of this dare, I always have to take the bus, so I gotta make use of it.”

Don’t worry, Nora, it’s over soon. And you won’t be the only one who’ll benefit from it.

\-----

Abby waits for me at the entrance when we arrive. She’s a new student, and I ‘dated’ her too. But we became best friends, and it’s really freaking obvious how much she’s into Nick. And I’m happy for her because Nick is as obvious about his feelings as she is.

She hugs me, then shows me her phone, where she has opened a Creeksecrets blog.

** The first boy? Cal Price wants to try out the #DateMeSimonSpier dare this Monday! **

I roll my eyes, but my heart beats faster. Cal is into guys? He want to ask me out? A guy wants to ask me out? I Don’t know who wrote it, or how they know it, but I kind of want it to be true.

\-----

Maybe it’s because of the blog, and everyone’s waiting for Cal to make the move, but in fourth period, no one has asked me out yet, and I’m getting kind of nervous. I tap my fingers against the table surface. I’m always nervous no one will ask me out. One of the rules is that the confession has to be on Monday, and I’ll lose if no one does. I’m not listening to Mr. Warner. All I’m thinking about is _‘who will do it?’_ and _‘will it be Cal?’_.

I sigh out in relief when the bell rings, and I’m about to leave when I feel a warm hand on my shoulder, and a soft voice saying my name. I turn around and am shocked to see Bram Greenfeld, initiating a conversation. But I won’t let that opportunity slip out of my hands.

“Oh, hey, Bram! What’s up?” I smile at him, in hopes to make him feel more comfortable. He always seems to be weirdly tense around me, and I never found an explanation as to why. Maybe my demeanor isn’t friendly enough? Should I work on that?

“Uh...Did anyone ask you out yet?” he asks, and I’m surprised because Bram always seemed like the only person at school to not care about this dare. I blush.

“No, not yet. Why?” I ask. He swallows and takes a deep breath. I patiently wait for him to continue.

Then he says four words I’ve heard every week for the past three months, but this time it completely catches me off-guard.

“Date me, Simon Spier.” I stare at him. And stare. And stare. I can’t stop. Bram Greenfeld asking me out is the last thing I would have seen coming, and now my head is filled with a million questions.

_Why is he doing this?_

_Does he want to climb on the bandwagon?_

_Is he gay?_

_Is he into me?_

I really want to know. I need to know, now. I look around, grab his sleeve, and pull him across the hallway. I have one destination in mind: the dressing room in the auditorium. He sits down on the bench, and I follow suit, but I can’t keep my eyes off of him. It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time.

His caramel skin, his soft curls, his chocolaty, and extremely expressive, eyes, his soft-looking lips. Everything about him is beautiful, in a way I’ve never noticed before. How did I not notice it before? It seems so glaringly obvious now that I can’t not notice it.

“You…you are…” I manage out. I feel like I can’t talk. It feels like the biggest revelation in my life.

“Yeah, I am,” he replies, and I think I can’t breathe. Bram Greenfeld is gay. Bram Greenfeld, of the soccer calves and cute smile, is gay. And he asked me out.

Oh my God, he asked me out. I need to calm down. This is too much. All I can think of saying is “wow,” and I hope I’m not staring too much.

“Is…is that a problem?” he asks, looking terrified. Oh, right. He doesn’t know I’m gay as well. He’s probably scared I’m a homophobic idiot. Do I make that impression? That would be weird.

“What? No, of course not! Are you out or-?” I don’t want to accidentally out him.

He shakes his head, so I nod in return. “Okay, I won’t tell anyone,” I promise, and he exhales. He seems relieved, and I 100 percent get that.

I try to choose my next words carefully. “Okay, so, how do you want to do this? We could...date in private, and I’ll just keep whoever I’m dating a secret. Your choice.” I really want to let him know just how serious I take this. I want to date him. Hell, he’s the first person where I feel happy after being asked out. I can’t screw this up.

“Yeah, in private sounds good. I’m not ready to come out to everyone yet.” I nod at that.

“Okay, Bram Greenfeld! You’ll be my boyfriend for this week!” I announce, and I feel giddy just saying these words. Like I can finally look forward to this week. I can’t help but smile.

„How do you normally do this?“ he asks, and I can feel my grin get bigger. It seems like I can’t control my facial muscles anymore.

„Are you asking me how to date, Bram?” I ask, and he blushes. I realize that, maybe, he’s really never done it before. I can’t judge him. After all, these past three months have been nothing but fake, too. So I’ve never really dated anyone either.

„It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” I say, putting my head on his shoulder, and I mean it.

I play with a loose string on my jeans to distract myself. I feel like if I look at him now, I will burst.

„I normally take my date to WaHo after school. But if you want to do something else this week, tell me.” I’m really fine with anything right now. He could suggest doing our algebra homework together and I’d say yes in an instant.

„Well, I’m free after school,” he says, and I laugh. He laughs along. His laugh is beautiful. He should laugh more often. At least in my presence.

Then the bell rings, interrupting our nice chat. I don’t want to go to History class. All I want is to sit here and talk.

„Give me your phone,” I demand, „gotta give you my number.” I’m a man on a mission.

His hands are shaking, but he hands it to me, nonetheless. Because I feel daring, I save myself as

 _‚Si‘_ , with a heart emoji, and wink at him. I’ve never done this before with any girls. I’m always just _‘Simon’_ , but this is special to me.

„This is the first time I’ve done this,” I confess, then pat his arm. He’s a bit taller, his shoulders are broader than mine, his arms stronger, and all I want is to hug him. „See you later,” I say, then quickly walk out so I won’t do anything stupid.

For the first time this dare, I want physical contact with a date, even if it’s only something as innocent as hugging.

\-----

I decide to wait for him in front of his classroom because our French teacher let us leave early. I know that he shares Biology with Nick, so I know where to go.

He leaves the room as soon as the bell rings.

“Ready to go?” I ask, and he nods, thanking me when I tell him that I’ll drive him back afterward so he can get his car.

We listen to Elliott Smith on our ride to WaHo and talk a bit about music – _“You like Elliott Smith?”_ – before we arrive. It’s mostly me who’s talking. Bram surely is quiet, but I don’t mind.

At WaHo, we quickly find a table, and I order a lot of food (I’m hungry, okay?). If he secretly judges me, he doesn’t say anything. It hits me just how little I know about him, how little I know him, his personality, his everything.

“It’s actually fascinating. We’ve been sitting at the same lunch table since Freshman Year, and we barely know each other,” I say to break the silence, and he agrees. It’s been two years, and only now do I get a good chance to get to know him. So I tell him to tell me about himself. And he does.

He opens up about his parents’ divorce, his stepmom, his family in Savannah. And I listen. I don’t even dig in when the waitress brings me my food. I just want to listen to him and never stop.

I’ve never noticed it before, but he has a very deep, but soft voice. It’s very soothing. I think if I lied in my bed, and he’d talk to me, I’d fall asleep in an instant. His voice is better than sleeping pills.

Three hours pass in no time, and I’m actually disappointed to leave.

“No, Garrett is great, and I’m happy to be his friend,” he tells me when we’re talking about our friends, “but I definitely don’t want to be dating him. That would be exhausting.”

I can’t help but laugh. “I get what you mean. Dating Nick would be hell, too.”

Then I notice my slip-up, and I quickly shut my mouth. I hope he didn’t notice anything.

I drive him back to school, then home. My Dad isn’t home yet, but my Mom and Nora are.

“Why are you grinning this big?” Mom asks, “is your date this great this week?”

I blush. “No…” I say. That’s clearly a lie, and I can see on my Mom’s face that she doesn’t believe me.

I text him _‘good night. Can’t wait to see u tomorrow’_ this night, and I mean it.

I can’t wait.


	3. Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During rehearsal, I secretly watch Martin. I’m the main character, so I rarely have a break. But right now, I have one, so I use it. He has no lines, but he is very funny, I will give him that.  
> Should I really risk my role? Should I really break a rule and end up having to switch with Martin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I don't know if this will be my last update for now! I still have to finish some school assignments, and gotta prepare for everything. So I'm sorry when my updates are slower!  
> Thank you so much for reading and your kind comments! They really make me happy and motivate me to keep writing!

**Tuesday**

Waking up, I really can’t wait to see Bram again. I don’t know how to explain this, but ever since he came out to me, I feel this invisible connection between us that just pulls me toward him, like a magnet. I don’t know if he can feel it, but I do, and it’s strong. So strong that all I want at the moment is to sit somewhere private with him and talk. I’m sure he doesn’t know I’m gay, but he’s the only one I can really relate to at the moment. This is precious to me, and I want to make use of this.

“ _Don’t drive to school. I will drive u. Give me ur address plz_ ,” I message him, and he replies quite quickly. I even woke up earlier than normal because I have this impatience growing in my chest. I’m really looking forward to WaHo. I’ve never hung out with any of my dates outside of school. It’s not against the rules, but I’ve never had the urge to. But now it’s all I want. I want to sit next to him on my bed and share Oreos with him. I want to listen to him talk. I want to get to know the person who’s been sitting at my lunch table for two years, but who I only get to know now.

As soon as he sends me his location I get up and get dressed. I had breakfast earlier, and Leah texted me to tell me that she will pick up Nora so she wouldn’t have to drive with the bus. I quickly text him back, then head out.

\-----

It takes me around twenty minutes to reach his neighborhood, just as I predicted. Bram is already waiting in front of the house when I stop in front of his driveway. It’s a big house, and I guess his mom has to make a lot of money. I don’t know. I’ve never met an epidemiologist before. It looks cozy though.

Bram sits down next to me, and I can’t help but smile at him. It still feels like I’m looking at a completely different person. The Bram Greenfeld I knew from Sunday and the one I know now are completely different, at least it feels like it. “Good morning,” I say. “Good morning. What is our plan for today?” he asks.

I think about it. I want to know what he would like to do. I don’t want to force him into my routine. I want to know what he likes, what is going on inside his head. I want to know what he wants to do with a boyfriend. With me.

_Me_.

It makes me giddy to think about it. I know this is fake, and it’ll be over as soon as it started, but I can’t help it. Bram is my first unofficially official boyfriend. So I ask: “What would you like to do?”

“You mean after our obligatory WaHo visit?” I furrow my brows.

“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I’m seriously interested in what you do after school.”

“Usually my homework,” he answers, making us both laugh. Somehow, this was completely expected and not at all surprising.

“Okay, that’s honest”, I chuckle a bit, “but please tell me our second date won’t be a study date.”

God, even the word date makes my stomach flip.

“Don’t worry”, he squeaks out in a loud, high-pitched voice, “not my plan.”

“There is something I want to do,” he eventually says, “if you’re okay with it.“

I keep my eyes on the road, but I hope he sees my smile. He shouldn’t be ashamed of anything. “Shoot.”

“I have soccer practice after school. My mom won’t be home until late evening, so I pretty much have the house to myself. We could cook something together and, if there’s still time, watch a movie? We could also postpone it to tomorrow, though.”

Okay, I did not expect that. Like, at all. Not that I mind. Actually, it's perfect. Just what I wanted. Private alone time. At his place. I get to see his place and spend time with him. What’s there not to love about that? It’s perfect, in all the right ways. „Okay, that can be arranged. I have rehearsal, too, so we can still meet up afterward,” I tell him, and I already can’t wait for the day to be over.

We make a little bit of small talk for the rest of the drive. I talk a lot, but I think – and _hope_ –he doesn’t mind.

When we get out of my car on the school’s parking lot, Garrett is leaving his, too, and he looks at us in surprise. Bram waves at him. “Dude,” he says, “didn’t know you’re close to Spier.”

“We met in WaHo yesterday and decided to hang out,” I lie, and Garrett luckily nods like he believes me. “Well, I’m glad you’ve finally realized that only being friends with your homework is not the right way to live,” he jokes, and I can’t help but laugh. It reminds me of Bram, saying that he does his homework as soon as he’s home. I know they’re close, and I wonder how much Garrett knows about him. Does he know he’s gay? But before I get lost in my head again, Garrett turns to me and says: “Ah, Spier, there’s something I wanted to ask you.” I expectantly wait for him to continue. We don’t talk a lot, so I’m not sure what to be expecting.

“Who are you dating this week?” he asks.

“Why do you ask?” Shit. No one posted anything on Tumblr yesterday. No one knows who I’m dating.

“Because no one posted anything on the hashtag yesterday,” he confirmed my suspicions, “Did Cal Price ask you?” What.

“Cal? What-“

“So it wasn’t him?”

“No.”

“Then who is it?”

I stare at him. It’s sudden, but I tell him the first female name that comes to mind.

“Leah.”

Garrett looks quite shocked. I wonder why. Maybe he thought we were into each other, too? “Leah?” he repeats.

“Yeah, she asked me. It’s easy that way, right? Just two friends hanging out,” I explain, and he nods again.

Garrett excuses himself to meet up with some Soccer guys at the entrance, and Bram and I exchange glances before I shrug and head inside as well; Bram quickly following me.

\-----

When Bram and I arrive at lunch, Leah looks so pissed that it actually scares me for a second. “Simon,” she hisses at me, “why does everyone think we’re dating?”

“About that…” I swallow, and meet Bram’s eyes,” there’s something Bram and I need to tell you.”

Her glare turns into confusion. “Bram? Since when do you talk to Bram?” he asks, and I get her. Last week, I would have never visioned myself to be talking to him, too.

“Since yesterday. Now come on.” I pull her out of the cafeteria, and Bram follows me as I do so.

The hallway is empty, so I lean against a wall. This spot should be good enough.

“Okay, so what is going on?” she asks. “Bram and I are dating,” I blurt out, and I rarely see her this shocked, “but Bram is not out, so we wanted to keep it a secret. We- we had to lie to Garrett because Bram is not out to anyone yet. So yeah, can you please be my alibi for this week?” I practically beg her. I’m not ashamed.

She stares at him for a moment, really takes him in, then whispers: “So you’re…” she starts, and he nods before she can finish that sentence.

“Okay”, she answers, “sure, I’ll be your alibi.” I breathe out in relief. I don’t have to give Martin my role in our school play, after all.

“Good choice,” she says, then turns around to return to the cafeteria, leaving Bram and me in the hallway. He looks dumbfounded, but I have to agree.

I’m 90 percent sure Bram is a very good choice.

\-----

During rehearsal, I secretly watch Martin. I’m the main character, so I rarely have a break. But right now, I have one, so I use it. He has no lines, but he is very funny, I will give him that.

Should I really risk my role? Should I really break a rule and end up having to switch with Martin?

But I don’t care anymore. Because the desire to break a rule just for a little taste of what could be my reality is too tempting to ignore, and I make up my mind.

I know what I want to do. And I will do it as soon as I see Bram again.

\-----

I wait for Bram in front of the locker room. I’m on my phone when I hear the door open, and I smile when I see him. “Hey, Bram!” I say, putting my phone away. I harshly inhale, then take a step forward to hug him. His arms are strong and warm, and as I lean my head against his shoulder blades, I’m quietly hopeful that this would never stop. But it sadly does, much too soon for my liking. “How was the game?” I ask, trying to act casual.

He tells me a little bit about the game, and I tell him about rehearsal in return.

But I won’t mention that, now, I will have to give my role to Martin.

I am Fagin, and he is Fagin’s boy. But. I just broke a rule. Physical contact like hugging, kissing, or even handholding is not allowed in this dare. This means that, technically, this dare is over.

Technically, we wouldn’t have to continue to date. That today, I could just go home, watch Harry Potter for the I-don’t-know-how-many time, hang out with my friends, and enjoy my freedom.

But I don’t want that. I want to date Bram. With literally any other person I would have immediately stopped this, but now I don’t. Because it’s Bram, and his cuteness, and his smartness, and his everything I finally get to witness.

I just ruined my role. Do I give a damn? No.

Why? Because hugging him made me realize just how much I want to be with him, even if it’s just for pretend, and even though I just properly got to know him yesterday. I want him, even if he, in the end, will only be my friend. But it’s better to have him as a friend than to not have him at all.

\-----

His house looks big from the outside but is even bigger from the inside. Every wooden furniture is dark – mahogany, I believe – and it’s very clean.

“Okay, what do you want to cook?” Bram asks me. I don’t cook, so I have no idea.

“We could google a Gordon Ramsay recipe and make that,” I say after thinking about it, and he laughs. “And what? Do you want to put my kitchen on fire?”

“Maybe,” I counter, and we laugh together.

I actually find a pretty good video from Gordon, and we decide to make it.

“Okay, Boss, tell me what to do,” I demand in a fake-serious voice.

“Get the lettuce and some condiments you want from the fridge. Then cut the lettuce into little pieces we can put on our sliders.” I do as told.

We work well together, very well, and even though we don’t talk, it feels comfortable. I’m not used to that. Normally I feel the urge to fill in silences with needless rambling, but with Bram, silence is good, too. I wish it could always be this way.

Which doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to him.

“What is your most embarrassing memory?” I ask to break the silence. I glance at him, and he’s blushing. “Do I have to answer that?” he asks in return.

“If you tell me your story, I will tell you mine, too. Though it will be hard to pick. My life is filled with such memories,“ I offer, laughing. He actually looks like he’s thinking about it.

“When I was a child I used to have this big plushie of Barney the dinosaur. I wanted to take him with me to kindergarten, but my mom never allowed it. But when she did, I got nervous because everyone kept staring at me. So I started to suck on his hand. Let’s just say one good thing about moving away is that no one calls you dinosucker anymore.”

I laugh. I notice that I do laugh a lot when I’m with him. It’s nice. “That’s not embarrassing, that’s adorable!”. He smiles a bit. “Okay, tell me one of yours, then,” he prompts.

I have one memory in mind.

“When I was six my family and I went to the local swimming pool. At some point I really had to fart,” I put a lot of emphasis on _‘really’_ on purpose, “so I did. But it wasn’t a fart. When I saw what I had done, I hoped no one realized it was me. When we were driving home, however, my dad started to sing ‘turd, turd, turd. Turd is the word’ and winked at me through the driving mirror. So yeah, please believe me when I say that I’m not that disgusting anymore.”

We both laugh. But somehow, his opinion is quite important to me. “Well, and please believe me when I say that I’m not sucking on plushies anymore.” We start to eat. “I don’t,” I reply, smiling reassuringly. I really don’t.

\-----

We’re washing the dishes when his mother returns. I turn to the clock and am surprised to see that it’s actually 07:43 PM. Already. I had no idea.

Bram tells her that he has a friend over, and she guesses Garrett, so I assume not many friends except for Garrett enter this house.

“Oh, it’s nice to meet you, Simon. Bram told me so much about you!” Ms. Greenfeld says when she sees me.

“No, I didn’t,” he counters, and she shushes him, but I’m barely listening. Bram has told her about me? Really? What has he told her?

I feel overwhelmed. “Nice to meet you too, Ms. Greenfeld,” I say, and I hope I look kind of friendly.

She wants me to call her by her first name, Janette. She’s very welcoming, although she does look tired.

“Did you cook?” she asks us eventually. Bram nods. “We made some sliders. We used the beef in the freezer.“

„I wanted to use that for my beef stew,” she sighs, and I feel a little bit bad now.

He offers to drive to Walmart to replace it. My heart beats a little bit faster at his kindness.

“I should leave,” I say, “I don’t want to make my family worry about me.” It’s later than I thought.

“Feel free to come over again, Simon,” she offers. “Thank you…” I hesitate, “….Janette.”

Bram follows me to the door. I turn around to face him.

“So, this movie date…” I start, but Bram interrupts me before I can even say the rest.

“We could still do it if you want to. Only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to!” I say. I’m serious. I can imagine it. Us sitting on his bed or couch, cuddling. Eating Oreos. Smiling.

Okay, or maybe that’s all in my head or we won’t touch each other at all. Probably that. I’m most likely just very desperate.

“Harry Potter and the sorcerer’s stone?” he asks, and I feel like I’m about to faint. Okay, so, it’s either his favorite movie series, too, or he remembered it’s my favorite. Maybe the first. I hope both.

“I’ll bring the Oreos!” I say, then hug him one last time to say goodbye. Technically, I already lost, so there’s no need to hold back now. He hugs me, tightly, and I feel this unknown calmness wash over me. I feel safe. Like nothing can get to me now. It’s just me, and Bram, and I’m in his strong arms, and everything’s magical.

I eventually let go, then turn around to go to my car.

I really can’t wait for tomorrow. If I get to hug him now, maybe I’ll get to cuddle him, too.

I’m crushing, hard, and there’s no end in sight. It just started.


	4. Wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you always like this?”  
> “Like what?” he replies. Doesn’t he notice?  
> “So gentle. Attentive. Charming. You name it,” I don’t look at him. My heart is pounding in my chest. All I want is to hug him. Maybe even kiss him. Ask him to be my real boyfriend and to yell ‘I’M SO SUPER GAY’ at him so he will never forget it. But I don’t. None of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for your patience!  
> Many of you were excited to see this chapter from Simon’s POV, so I hope this is everything you’ve wanted and more!  
> School’s been very busy, which is why my updates are so slow. My country extended the lockdown and homeschooling, and during homeschool my teachers always give us a mountain of assignments so...sorry if I’m not that active at this moment.
> 
> Enough whining, enjoy this beautifully gay drama!

**Wednesday**  
“So, what time should I come to your place? I talked to my mom, and she was fine with anything as long as I don’t forget my curfew,” I immediately ask as soon as Bram gets into my car.

  
“My mom will return at the same time as yesterday, so I think we should meet after school, or sometime later,” he answers.

I can’t wait for the day to be over. I didn’t think I could get used to him this quickly, but he feels like a friend I’ve been close with for years.

  
“Can we go to WaHo again? I’m craving waffles.” We’ll surely have time for a little lunch break, no?

  
“Sure, but pancakes are clearly superior.”  
I gasp dramatically and put my free hand on my chest. “Bram freaking Greenfeld! You can’t be serious!”

  
“Sorry to disappoint you,” he says, patting my shoulder. I can’t suppress my smile.

  
\-----

  
In English class, the couch is free. Normally I would run over to save a seat, but today I’d rather sit next to Bram instead.

  
I barely listen to Mr. Wise. I just stare at Bram and hope he doesn’t notice it. His curls look very soft, and his expressive eyes are narrowed in concentration.

Like, holy freaking hell. He’s a piece of art. And he asked me out. I’m by no means a very insecure person nor do I have low self-esteem. But it feels like Gollum was asked out by Hercules.

  
My mind drifts off to our date later, and I rip a piece of paper out of my notebook to scribble some words onto it, then carefully throw it onto Bram’s desk when Mr. Wise isn’t looking.

  
**Let’s go to the GS during lunch. Need to get essentials for the movie**

  
He looks at me, not moving, so I stare at him until he reads it. Then he writes one back.

  
**I assume by essentials you mean Oreos.**

  
His handwriting is much cleaner than mine. Mine looks like a chicken scratch in comparison. But his statement surprises me. I have to say, he knows me well. I laugh, and everyone turns to look at me. Ah, shit.

  
“Mr. Spier, please share with the class what you find so funny,” Mr. Wise tells me, and I feel my face heat up. 

“Nothing…I’m sorry.” I’m lucky I get away with a glare.

  
Then I turn my attention back to the note.

  
**I always knew you were funny in your head. But yes, Oreos are essential to everything. So I take that as a yes?**

  
I expected anything. A no. A yes. A witty remark. But not this. Not this at all. My heart wasn’t prepared for this.

  
**I’d go anywhere as long as you’re there with me.**

  
I gasp – quietly this time – and read it over and over again. I can’t think of a response. So I just stare at him.

  
Until the bell rings.

  
\-----

  
It’s raining. Of course, it freaking is. Because all I want is Bram Greenfeld to see me soaked.

  
Isn’t that just great?

  
I wait next to his locker, and once he’s put all his books away, I drag him outside. We run to my car but running doesn’t grant us immunity to rain. We’re still somewhat soaked. Or at least I am.  
When I give him my phone to choose a song, he chooses Try A Little Tenderness, and everything feels too perfect. Almost too Disney.

  
Being with Bram feels like that.

  
He pulls his own phone out, texts someone, then puts it away again.  
“What are your essentials?” he asks after a few seconds of nothing but the music playing.

  
“Oreos, obviously. And no movie is complete without Popcorn. And soda, too.”

  
“Your diet really doesn’t sound healthy,” he answers. I fight back the urge to roll my eyes. I mean, Bram has everything. Soccer calves, muscles, he’s in great shape. I’ve given up on sports a long time ago. I’m not even trying anymore.

  
“Who needs a diet if there are so many delicious things to eat out there, Bram? I only live once. Gotta enjoy it,” I smile, nonetheless.

  
“I like Reese’s,” he changes the topic.

  
“Then we’ll get that, too!” I promise.

  
And we do.

\-----

  
We throw our food onto the backseat. We are soaked. And it looks like it won’t stop raining anytime soon.

I try to dry my glasses with my hoodie. But no luck. You can’t dry something with a wet fabric.

  
I feel Bram’s hand brushing my wet hair out of my face. His skin is warm despite the cold.

  
I glance at him, and I choose my next question very carefully:

  
“Are you always like this?”

  
“Like what?” he replies. Doesn’t he notice?

  
“So gentle. Attentive. Charming. You name it,” I don’t look at him. My heart is pounding in my chest. All I want is to hug him. Maybe even kiss him. Ask him to be my real boyfriend and to yell ‘I’M SO SUPER GAY’ at him so he will never forget it. But I don’t. None of that.

  
“Uh…no. Only with you, I guess. Because you’re my boyfriend this week, and-“ he starts, then gets lost in a monologue about relationships and loyalty. The more words leave his mouth, the more I am confronted with the fact that he is so perfect it should be illegal.

  
I eventually cut him off by taking his hand.

  
“It’s okay. Really, I like it. A lot,” I tell him. He swallows and nods. His face looks a little bit red.

  
“How much time do we have left until the end of lunch?” he asks.

  
I look at my phone. The song has changed. It’s another love song, but just as perfect. “Twenty minutes,” I answer.

His hand feels so big in mine. I always thought I have big hands but…apparently, I don’t.

  
“You know, Bram, you’d be a great boyfriend,” I say, “too bad it’s just a dare for this week.” He stays silent. I feel like I’m about to burst. I want to tell him so bad. But I don’t.

  
So I hope he gets me.

  
\-----

  
I don’t think Bram knows I’m gay.

  
Talking to him is easy, we do it the whole ride to WaHo, and we never stop. But I don’t think he realizes just how much I relate to him and his stories. Or maybe I am much more obvious than I realize. Leah calls me oblivious all the time.

  
At his place, I squeal when I see the Warner Bros logo on the screen. I’m not ashamed. Harry Potter is my biggest passion, and everyone who’s not into it or doesn’t accept it can just leave.

  
I put my legs over his once he got comfortable. He covers us with a soft throw blanket, and I think about it for a few milliseconds before taking an Oreo and eating it in – I kid you not – one bite. I smile at him. “I think you should always feel comfortable in a relationship,” Simon says, “you shouldn’t hide yourself, because your partner should accept everything about you. Even the weird sides. Right?”

  
Please understand me.

  
He clears his throat. “Definitely,” he says, “and just so you know, I do accept every side of you, so you really don’t have to hide.”

  
I grin. I hope he can’t hear my heart. I want to play cool, like it doesn’t mean a lot to me, but it does. It means so much. It’s everything I wanted to hear, and hearing Bram say those things makes it even better. I want him so bad. Not even in a sexual way (although I certainly wouldn’t mind a steamy make-out session) but I just want him as my partner. Or another date. For next week. And the week after. And after. And- you get what I mean.

  
He presses play as I grab the bowl of Popcorn and put it on my lap. Then, because I feel daring, I put my head on his collarbone and hide my face in the crook of his neck. He’s warm and smells like coconut and something else I can’t decipher. So I’ll just call it the Bram smell.

He puts his hands on my thigh and waist, and, because I’m allowed, I snuggle closer. I breathe in, and the Bram smell relaxes me. Leah, Abby, and Nick are my closest friends. Abby is just as much into physical contact as I am, but…she’s a girl. And cuddling with Nick would be weird. This is the first time I get to cuddle with another guy. With Bram of all people.

I’m seriously loving my life right now.

  
I can hear Bram’s fast heartbeat, but I’m the same. I feel like my heart is going to explode. Or stop. Or both at the same time.

  
I am gay. Being with Bram just confirms it, even though I’ve never needed confirmation in the first place. But if I get to have this in my future, then yes. Being with girls doesn’t even compare. I don’t hate girls. Dating them was fine. Manageable. But if I get to feel like this. So warm, and secure, and protected, then yes. I want this happiness.

He starts to massage my scalp after a moment, and even though I love Harry Potter, I feel myself get tired. I love this feeling. I love this moment. I haven’t felt so at peace in months.

  
And, before I realize it, I’ve fallen asleep.

  
\-----

  
I don’t know for how long I was asleep. But I feel someone shake my shoulder, and it’s not as warm as it used to be when I fell asleep. “Simon,” Bram gently whispers to me, “Simon, wake up. It’s time to go.”

  
I know I’m not thinking straight (no gay pun intended). But him waking me up this softly feels like a promise. A promise for a future that, one day, I will have a partner that will wake me up like this every day.

  
Still half-asleep, I reach up to put my hand on his face. I rub my thumb over the soft skin of his cheek, and when I sit up, I murmur “I think I want you,” before kissing his cheek.

  
But-

  
I quickly pull away. I stare at him. He doesn’t seem disgusted. Rather surprised. But I panic. He knows now. He definitely knows now. I’m so stupid!

  
“I…I think it’s time to leave,” he says, and my heart shatters. I’ve scared him off. He wants nothing to do with me anymore. It’s over. I’m unlovable, aren’t I? “I mean, it’s late. I don’t want you to miss your curfew and get in trouble,” he adds.

I nod but want nothing more than to leave. Run away. Not see him. Not have my heart shattered.

  
I run out. Bram tries to stop me, but I look at him, and I seem to get a message across because he lets me go.  
  
It’s cold outside. I feel like I can’t breathe. Will everything change now? Will I have to come out to everyone now? Because I let my true feelings show?  
 _  
Will I be okay?_


End file.
